Resolution Resolve

It's time for the mid-year check-up. Nope, I'm not talking vision or dental or even blood pressure. I'm not talking about taking your car in for an oil change. (Hmmm...that reminds me...) I'm talking about New Year's Resolutions.

What? in August?

Hear me out :)

Every January, whether formally or informally, written in ink and signed in blood or off-the-cuff, wink-wink, here's-what-I'm-thinking brain clouds, most of us resolve to be better people. Some of us are even serious about it. Although cliched and hyped, the truth is simple: reflecting upon where we've been and where we are and where we want to be helps us to achieve our goals.

So where are you? Come January, many writers resolve to be better writers. Or send out 100 queries. Or land a book deal. Or pound out 1000 words a week. And you? What was your New Year's Resolution?

I, on the other hand, made no writerly goal. At least not one I put into print. Instead, I decided that I wanted a six-pack.

Sadly, I must publicly admit that I will not be posting my own abs this coming January, as previously indicated. Looking on the bright side, I am maintaining a decent exercise program and spending a great deal of time hiking or in the gym. Life is good.

But Why do Resolutions Fail? Here are some of my thoughts.

1. We don't set realistic goals: Actually, it's not the goal that's the problem. It's the fact that often we don't set up a series of mini-goals that lead to the ultimate goal. Creating a series of steps allows us to have regular victories, each one ensuring that we're one step closer to the goal. I didn't really do that: I simply created a work-out schedule that would lead me where I wanted to go -- but I didn't pre-determine any mini-goals or time limits.

2. We don't check in: Unless we set up regular and scheduled check points, assessing our growth and course of action, it's easy to get distracted. Formal or informal, it doesn't matter -- all that matters is that we consciously ask ourselves, Where am I in relation to my goal? What do I need to do in order to get back on the path or make the next mini-goal milestone? When I caught the flu last winter, I took two weeks off the gym and rested up. Although I got back into the gym afterwards, I wasn't as focused or as clear about my goal. I began to lose sight of why I had created the goal in the first place.

3. We self-destruct: Creating and maintaining a six-pack is hard work. Although I'm active and love the outdoors, I hate core work. And what did I do? I chose a resolution that would challenge everything I knew about myself. When the going got tough during those first few months, I'd give myself pep talks. But after awhile, and after the bout of flu, I started talking to myself like this: why do you want a six-pack? Who will even see it? After all, you don't wear revealing clothing. Why are you torturing yourself? You hate ab work. Hubby is so not worth a six-pack. I forgot why I wanted a six-pack and I convinced myself that it wasn't worth the time or effort. My work out mantra went something like: I hate this, i hate this, ihatethis, ihatethis. Not particularly effective self-talk, if you get my drift.

4. We are sabotaged: Either intentionally or unintentionally, our biggest fans are sometimes our biggest roadblocks. Ask anyone who's trying to lose weight: family, friends, and co-workers bring in snacks and always say, "Oh it's not going to make a difference. Take a bite." In the writerly world? "Oh come on, let's go to the movies: you can write later." Or, like my dear husband: A Six-Pack? *incredulous look* Wow, honey. That's a lot of hard work. Do you think you can accomplish that in a year? And, respecting my weight-lifter, totally hunky husband, I began to doubt myself and and my goal. Please understand: I do not lay blame at his feet; I simply think that it's important to be aware of possible but loving saboteurs...and then continue on our way.

So where are you? If you created New Year's Resolutions, how close are you to fulfilling them? Are you on schedule? Off the track? Thinking, "What Resolutions?"

Stormbreaker Unleashed

Another delightful thing about being human is the fact that we're all so bloody different. Or, as Horowitz would write, bliddy. I just finished Stormbreaker, by Anthony Horowitz, and I enjoyed the ride. I have a feeling that many of my writerly compadres would stick up their noses at it, though, and I'm okay with that. We're different, we like different things, and that is good. With such a tremendous range in audience desires, it means that there are more opportunities for writers like us.

Fast-paced, absent of trite lessons-to-be-learned, and full of intrigue, Stormbreaker was fun and shallow. It reminded me of the days I spent as a kid bemoaning the fact that adults are so completely blinded to the possibilities wrapped up in being adolescent. They think we're so innocent and so incapable of dissembling, I thought. They'd never know what hit 'em, if they just let us kiddies be spies. I was eleven, but as far as I was concerned, I could smile angelically and slip into 007 mode without even trying. Where were books like Stormbreaker then?

And honestly? I was never one of those kids who wanted to read some angsty, pulsing full of emotion and possibility book. Not even later, in high school, when everything was one great big soap opera. Life sucks already, alright? No need to wallow in the mud. Just give me a kick-butt book with spanking good action and I don't have to think about zits, the drama of fighting friends, or boys who say, "Look me up when you're eighteen." (Though, in retrospect, maybe it was a good thing everyone knew my dad had a shotgun!)

Why, then, do I say the book was shallow? The truth is, although I've always held protagonists in great disdain when they waffle over decisions and feel nauseated when the bad guy dies, humans invariably go through a range of emotions. And although Horowitz definitely gave Alex Rider a few emotions, there wasn't really any time for thought, reflection, and coming to grips with some of his own actions. It occurred to me when I set the book down that I was left feeling a little indifferent. Fun candy -- and I'll definitely read the rest in the series -- but not much substance, either.

So, what is it that I'm looking for? Do I even know what I want? Am I impossible to please? Am I asking for Cotton Candy with Vitamins? To quote Card, who's writing about something else entirely, "it's not a contradiction -- but it is a balancing act" (Card 88). I think that fits perfectly. There was only one instance in the book that made my eyes smart, and it was when he was at the training camp. The men, for the most part, ignored him, while one made his life a living hell. For an instant, I saw Alex as human, as trying to reach out and matter to someone, and as someone whose heart ached when rebuffed.

This brings me to my own writing. My own failures in my own writing. I've been so focused on writing fun, kick-butt stuff, that I've left the relationships at a relatively shallow level. And, honestly, relationships, both in life and in novels, are what it's all about. How do I intertwine gut-wrenching relationships and kick-butt action without going all sappy and ridiculously angsty? I don't know. But I'm gonna give it a try.

2009: Year of the Six Pack

Our deeds determine us, as much as we determine our deeds. ~George Eliot

I love being human. How could you ever get bored? The passion, the doubt, the inconsistencies, the desire to make a difference -- whether spun from love or hate or jealousy or compassion -- it's all wrapped up into this experience we call living. I'm a geek...er, um, I mean writer, so I spend a great deal of time contemplating the nuances and, especially, the motivations of every day actions. For isn't it true that character is revealed when no one is looking?

The beginning of a new year holds so much promise. And how can humans not respond by setting new goals and focusing on buffing out the rougher spots on our souls? What makes it all the more delightful, of course, is the fact that these resolutions can be made at any time during the year. But what's the fun in that? To be honest, I do. As previously posted, I'm a list maker extraordinaire, and I craft goals and hopes and wish lists all the time.

For me, New Year's Resolutions are private. I completely understand that making things public prompts more accountability in the human, but, well, there you have it. Private Creature By Nature. (As an aside, those of you who are my Twitter buddies know that I accomplished a 2008 goal just before 4 pm yesterday. Oh the glory!) There is a resolution that that I will share with the world, however. So many other bloggers are putting their NYR's up, and I can't abide the thought that this little blogger didn't keep up with the ... oh, what am I saying?!

So, the 2009 Goal of the Year is....

(Drum Roll Please)

A Six-Pack!!! Anyone else up for joining me in my quest for the ever elusive six pack? The embarrassing revelation? I despise abs. I abhor any exercise that targets the core. I always skip the crunches and the sit ups and the cutsie little "pulse, pulse" that my BodyPump instructor sings out, as if she's discussing a curious exotic plant. But skip no more. I shall persevere. And by this time next year, it'll be my own picture I'm posting! Wish me luck. And join me if you dare.

Nutty & Shelled: List Maker Extraordinaire

I am a list maker. I craft the boldest of lists, the tiniest of lists, the most audacious of lists, the truly mundane. When cleaning house, I'll even make a list of the things I've already finished just so that I can cross them off my life. I make wish lists, goal lists, and "Dream Big" lists. Oddly, whenever I happen to run across an old one, I find that I've actually accomplished quite a few.

Case in Point: Sometime earlier this year I had created a list entitled "Summer Goals." I ran across it yesterday afternoon while cleaning (instead of writing, of course). The odd thing is that when I had created the list, most of these goals seemed out of reach. We certainly didn't have the money or the know-how to do most of them. Like magnetized puzzle pieces, things started fitting into place -- but that's another story for another day. The point is this: lists are powerful.

My List:

1. Sell 1967 Jeepster Commando Possible buyer interested as of last week
2. Sell Subaru (?) Decided to keep and replace transmission
3. Insulate Attic Didn't need to do after all
4. Install 200 Amp Service
5. Put in wood stove: in process
6. Install heat pump: in process
7. Find shell canopy for pickup Father-in-law gave us old fixer-upper instead.
8. Sell 300 Weatherby Mag NIB un-fired, NRA edition; I'd won it in a raffle but didn't want it

So, what does this have to do with writing? More than you can imagine. When I look at the aspiring writers who have their ducks in a row, the ones who are pumping out word counts like bodybuilders on creatine, I see that they are also the ones who have specific goals listed on their blogs. Either word count goals or time limit goals or number of queries in the mail this week, they are the ones who are not only focused but producing. Take Ken Kiser or Anthony Pacheco, Gavin of Mechanical Hampster, or any of a myriad of others: peruse their blogs, ogle their gritty determination, and throw your own shoulders back with a new sense of purpose. Sure, there's preparation and hard work and distractions and revisions. But if you don't envision the end result -- the place you want to be at the end of this week, month, year -- the trail is a great deal steeper and rockier and treacherous, replete with detours galore. Set the goal. Keep your eye on the prize. Go forth and conquer.

What does this have to do with my writing? Well, as I was looking back over an email that I had sent a friend yesterday, I noticed that I -- List Maker Extraordinaire -- was failing miserably at my own self-proclaimed talent. Here's an excerpt:

"i'm avoiding writing as usual, but i have begun an editing process with book #2, so that's at least better than normal. lately i've begun having serious vocab shortages: i know the word i want exists, i've used the dang-blasted thing a million times, it's a perfectly beautifully crafted word that's hugely better than "hugely" or "normal" or "thing" or "get" or whatever...but it eludes me. it's not even on the tip of my tongue or the precipice of my brain...it's lurking in deep depths, far beyond my scanty influence or gravitational pull. and it's annoying. worrisome. irritating. laughable."

I noticed two things: one, this is not where I want to be as a writer. I have better focus than this. I know better than this. I am better than this. And two, as I began to focus on my vocabulary crisis, I started pulling out more vivid language.

My point? Simple reflection of where you're at and where you want to be can serve as a wake-up call. Even I -- fanatical list maker -- need to remember to review the goals I've made regarding my life as writer. Few things are more powerful than goals carved out in stone, scribbled on a sticky note, or scrawled on the back of a coffee house napkin. I glance up at the sage green sticky above my computer: Nulla dies sine linea. Oops! Excuse me as I scuttle back into my writing cubby.