Open Mouth, Insert Foot

Faux Pas: My greatest social faux pas of the year took place shortly before Thanksgiving. I didn't write anything about it, of course, because, frankly, it was humiliating. In the intervening weeks, however, I've thought, Isn't it my duty to tell? It can be like one of those little moral tales -- where everyone learns what not to do... So, here goes: my embarrassing moment.

Background: The annual NCTE event always has a huge space filled with various publishers, vendors, and exhibitors. It's every teacher's dream to wander this expanse, snatch up the books they're giving away for free, and buy the ones they're selling for two or three dollars. Authors sit behind small tables, where you can talk to them or have them sign your book (though, depending upon the popularity of the author in question, you may find yourself standing in line for an hour or more). Publishing company reps try to sell their wares or answer any questions.

Publishing Company Catches my Eye: I'm wandering, my bag stuffed to overflowing, when I catch the large Tor banner. My heart skips a beat. I smile. I let my feet lead me to the booth area where books line the back and two reps sit behind a small table chatting. They look up and smile.

My Normally Reticent Self Makes Silly: "So," I say, "you two would know all about helping me get published by Tor, yes?" Disclaimer: I know I need an agent in order to get published. I know that Tor accepts unagented work, but I also know that I need an agent. I have yet to parse out why exactly I said these silly things.

Awkward Pause turns Pregnant with Possibility: The man on the left, we'll call him Jeff, smiles -- a smile reminiscent of a cat contemplating a tasty bird -- and nods to the woman on my right. "She's an editor," he says, "ask her."

My Jaw Drops: I stumble around. Rather, my mouth keeps talking but my brain is stalled. She takes pity on me and asks what my book's about. I panic, but give what is most possibly the worst pitch on planet earth. She gives me her card. "Send it to me," she says. "I'll take a look."

The Story Gets Worse: I look down at the card. Susan Chang, it glistens. I almost faint. I grip the counter in front of me to keep my balance. We're only talking about THE Susan Chang.

The Rescue: Random teacher walks up to get some questions answered and Ms. Chang gets up to help her. 'Jeff' and I talk briefly; he gives me the name of a website that is helpful for unpublished writers. He reveals that he, too, is an editor, though for a publishing company that does not accept unagented manuscripts. Before he walks away, he says, "Follow up on her." I brave a half-smile and whisper back, "She's going to kill you!" And he shrugs, smiling back. "She didn't have to give you her card. Follow up."

The Resolution: There is none. I walked away, trembling, kicking myself for being so delightfully stupid. In fact, that's a state I still find myself in. I am also still in awe of the fact that I met Ms. Chang. I haven't sent my manuscript in.

Five Top Books for Aspiring (or Established) Writers

Straight from the horses' mouths: last week I was fortunate enough to be in the audience when a group of agents and editors opined on their favorite writing books, offering a coveted glimpse into their messy, chaotic, or serial-killer-neat-and-tidy minds. The truth is, of course, that they're all looking for the next Harry Potter or even A Million Little Pieces (it did sell, didn't it?) with the twist of the century. Well, make it a little twist. Witty and clever, but little. It needs to be recognizable enough that the audience laps it up, buys advance copies, and blogs ad nauseum about the cleverness. Too different, and it's a snoozer. This is all encouraging for those of us who write, of course, because we've all read Ecclesiastes, and it was bloody depressing to realize that there was "nothing new under the sun" way back when we were all starting out. Joy comes in the morning, however, and with it came these book recommendations. I list them here for you: The top five books on writing for writers...

1. Self-Editing for Fiction Writers by Renni Brown and Dave King "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers literally had me writhing. At least my toes curled and I kept saying, "Ouch," as chapter after chapter critiqued yet another one of my cherished writing habits ('Tom Swifties' for one). I have two suggestions for potential readers: (1) bypass "Self-Editing for Fiction Writers" completely if you have a delicate ego; (2) if you do read it, stock up on several different colors of magic markers and keep your manuscript nearby. It will soon be streaming with color." By E. A. Lovitt starmoth

2. The Writer's Journey: Mythic Structure for Writers by Christopher Vogler "As a fan of Joseph Campbell and amateur writer, this book really appeals to me. It is more than just a how-to for aspiring novelists, it is a how-to for life. It is geared toward the writing of novels and stories with human drama and interaction, which makes it a bit more specialized." By Kort Kramer

3. The Sell Your Novel Toolkit by Elizabeth Lyon "Elizabeth Lyon's new book, Sell Your Novel Toolkit, provides a detailed roadmap for producing a well qualified query letter, synopsis and tips to manage that all important marketing strategy." By dhanselmo

4. Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott "I'm hooked on Lamott. She slaps me in the face with her startling revelations, nudges me in the ribs with her unpredictable humor, and prods my frozen little writer's hands back into action with warm compassion. This book won't solve the mechanical aspects of my writing, or lead me on the path of structural excellence, but it will spark my creativity, free my characters to be true to themselves, and, ultimately, shake me from my doldrums back into the writing mode." By Eric Wilson novelist

5. The Forest for the Trees: An Editor's Advice to Writers by Betsy Lerner
"This book is about what motivates writers (and editors) and gives you some insight on how the system works. Lerner talks about different kinds of writers - some rely on instinct or "natural talent", others are driven by anger, hope, or any other emotion. She encourages writers to be brave, to take a chance, but to recognize likewise if you've gone too far over the edge (it's a cliff, after all!). Lerner encourages writers to do their thing. She oozes confidence between the lines that a reader can't help but be caught up in." By Phome

Pacific Northwest Writers Association

For any writer who needs exposure, tips, an agent, or just a shot in the arm, PNWA's summer conference kicks butt. From big name authors to down-and-dirty, roll-up-your-sleeves kinds of workshops, this conference delivers what it promises: a chance to belong to the writing community.


Link Elizabeth Lyon, author of The Sell Your Novel Tool Kit, offered invaluable advice, going over query letter do's and don'ts. I definitely recommend her book(s). Email me if you want some of her notes.